Fellowship of the Crew Goes Nutty!
by HikariNiji
Summary: Uhm. Yes. This is a fanfic... with no point... yet still... I dunno. You find out.
1. Default Chapter of DOOOOOM

Hikari: You wanna know what 2 hours straight of typing, reading, writing, drawing, and Jpop do to you?  
  
Crew: What?  
  
Hikari: I have no clue!!!  
  
Crew: -.-#  
  
Washington (Our new disclaimer guy, Disclaimer Cory, DC, Washington, Haurgh haurgh...): They own nothing. 'Cept themselves.  
  
Hikari: For now...  
  
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Hikari sprang out of bed, grinning happily. Why does she grin so bright, you ask? Because she had lights installed in her mouth.  
  
And because her legs were clad with the finest flourescent yellow pants. (Crew: o.O?) Hikari waltzed  
  
out into the hallway and pranced into the kitchen.  
  
"Morning, Hik- OH CRAP! MY EYES!" KoEnma screeched as he fried eggs.  
  
"...I see you like my pants. And my mouth installment."  
  
"You're a friggin' glowworm!"  
  
"REALLY?!?! THAT'S AWESOME!!!"  
  
Hikari was so happy she nanced outside. Yuki had just climbed up next to Hiei on a tree. Hikari  
  
spotted the two and waved frantically and spastically, running towards the tree.  
  
"HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! HI! H-OUCH!" Hikari had run smack into the tree while screaming 'Hi.'  
  
Yuki looked down. "You okay, stupid?"  
  
Kyoko and Kuwabara looked up. "You called?"  
  
Hikari and Yuki ignored them. (Kyoko: Don't worry, I gave myself that nickname...) "Yeah, I'm   
  
good. Like my pants?"  
  
"Did you steal those from my brother?"  
  
"Heck no!"  
  
"......Whatever. They're cool."  
  
At this Hikari grinned.  
  
"MY EYESSS!!!"  
  
"Aww, you like my mouth-lights, too! Just wait til I get braces! Then we can have a disco!!!"  
  
Yuki fell out of the tree while screaming in pain about her eyes.  
  
"Aww, this makes me wanna write a depressingly happy poem so even if people think it's friggin  
  
crappy, their eyes'll water from my brightness and I'll feel special because I have no clue what I   
  
just said!"  
  
Hikari then forgot what she was going to do. She hid in her special little hiding spot, expecting   
  
to be safe. Unfortunately, Hiei was hungry for some sweet snow. He opened the freezer door.  
  
"Uh... Hi, Hiei! Welcome to here!"  
  
Hiei glared at her for a minute. "You hid yourself in front of the sweet snow. Move before I am   
  
forced to kill you."  
  
"That might take a while."  
  
"You have five minutes."  
  
"Can I have four hours? That's usually how long it takes for me to get my feet unstuck from-"  
  
"Hold it... How the heck did you manage to get yourself on the ceiling anyways?!"  
  
"Umm... Well, it all started when.."  
  
INTERMISSION!  
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
Hikari: I WILL NEVER REVEAL MY SECRET TO THE PUBLIC! NEVER!!  
  
Vana: ............................... Ok, R&R before we have to take her to the Mental Institution...  
  
But, then the unexpected happened, and- AAAHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOSH!!! A BUG!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!  
  
----------------------------------------------------------  
  
Hikari: And now we know!  
  
Crew: Know what?  
  
Hikari: whatever I asked earlier!  
  
Crew: oh yeah...  
  
Hikari: R&R... 


	2. The Continuation of the spread of madnes...

Hikari: MBLAHUAHUAHUAHUAHUA NO ONE SHALL EVER KNOW!!! EEEVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRR!!!  
  
Yuki: We get the point, you freak...  
  
Hikari: OH, and about the... umm... I forgot what I wwas saying   
  
Vana: ...  
  
Hikari: AHHHHH I WAS ATTACKED BY THE CHESIRE CAT!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Midoshi: Please, while we tie her up- I mean.... whatever, just.. disclaim. Yeah.  
  
Washington: They own nothing except themselves and their sanity and minds, except for Hikari, whose mind is still being held captive by the Keebler elves.  
  
Hikari: What about the clothes on our backs?  
  
Yuki: We're renting them.  
  
Hikari: Aww...  
  
---------------------------------------  
  
Hikari finished the explanation. "...And that's how I won the Great Cheese war."  
  
"That's all fine and dandy and everything, but HOW does that explain how you got up their?!"  
  
"...Where'd Hiei go? And how'd you get here?!"  
  
"It's all in the magic of Clorox."  
  
"Nuh-uh! Vana's got the magic of Clorox!"  
  
"Since when?"  
  
"Since she killed a spider with it!!!"  
  
Yuki paused. "Good point."  
  
The two stared on in silence, til Hikari said: "...All the blood's rushing to my head. Is that a good thing?"  
  
"...No. It's not good. We must take you to the hospital... now."  
  
Hikari flew into a mad chibi-spastic panicky-thing. Fit. Yeah. She began screaming and twitching and waving her  
  
arms like a rabid maniac-person-bob. "I can't go to the hospital! I don't have time for that! Who's going to watch the fridge  
  
for signs of life?! Who's going to make sure Yusuke stays into trouble?! Who's going to listen to my every pointless rant   
  
and make sure the dancing chipmunks keep the beat?!"  
  
"...What was that last one?"  
  
".........Nothing..."  
  
"Ooooook."  
  
"...I'm gonna get down now."  
  
"You do that. I'm gonna go do stuff."  
  
"Alright. Tell me if the magical clothing fairy comes by."  
  
"Ok."  
  
---FOUR HOURS LATER---  
  
"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YUUUKKKKIIIIIIIII!!!"  
  
Yuki turned around. "Do you mind?"  
  
"...Huwha?"  
  
"Gaah... nevermind."  
  
"I see the sweet snow's not blocked anymore. I'm going to get some." Hiei ...zoomed... off. Um... yeah.  
  
Hikari's Final Fantasy senses began tingling. Could it be?... But no one's stupid enough to play Hikari's  
  
prized Final Fantasy games! Never! Hikari ran into the video games room of doom (aww, I rhymed! Doesn't that just make you   
  
feel all fine and dandy?!)  
  
It was just as she suspected. "YOU DARE TO TOUCH MY GAMES?!"  
  
"Hey- I didn- GYALlLLLUGGHHHHHH"  
  
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Hikari: I decided to let you guess who touched my games. I still don't know who I want to tor- I mean, of course I have everything all planned out...  
  
Vana: This is a really short chapter.  
  
Hikari: ...So?...  
  
Yuki: ....Yeah. R&R Everyone. Please. Before I eat you. 


	3. Moomonkies DO quack!

Hikari: Um... so who should I be strangulin'?  
  
Yuki: ...I still say Hiei because you are then "dun dun dun DUN" AUTHORESS!  
  
Hikari: ...I say Kayko. Let's consult Midoshi.  
  
Yuki: ...  
  
Hikari: Midoshi, if Hiei or Kayko touched my Final Fantasy games and I was strangulating them, who would it be?  
  
Midoshi: ...Yusuke?  
  
Hikari: No, man, Hiei or Kayko.  
  
Midoshi: ...Hiei.  
  
Hikari: All of you are against my Kayko-angst-whatever. Oh well. I might still use Kayko. You neeeevvvver knooooow.  
  
Yusuke: ....She owns not a thing but her crew. Her sanity's caretakers recently passed on and is now in the care of some folks in Norwegiaslovakia.  
  
------------------------------------  
  
"YOU EVIL!!! TOUCHING MY PRIZED GAMES!!!" Hikari screeched as she strangulated Hiei (hey, majority wins).  
  
Hikari began foaming at the mouth. "NO ONE TOUCHES THE PRECIOUS...ES! NASTY, FILTHY LITTLE HOBBIT... thing."  
  
"YOU DARE TOUCH MY HIEI?!??!" Yuki screeched.  
  
"Umm... yeah. You can torture him when I'm done, but you'll have to wait your turn, I'm afraid."  
  
Yuki glared her most glariest, most deathiest, most... ok I'm done, death glare. She sorta leaped into the air  
  
and landed on Hikari's head, which she immediately began beating. "DON'T TOUCH MY HIEI!"  
  
"BUT HE TOUCHED MY PRECIOUS...ESES...!"  
  
"Your... preciouseses?"  
  
"Yeah!" Hikari points to the Final Fantasy games, where the box to VII had been opened and emptied of its contents.  
  
Yuki got all defensive on Hikari. "Well, yeah, but maybe he was really bored!"  
  
"He said he was going to get sweet snow."  
  
"...So? That could mean: 'I'm going to play your video games' in another language!"  
  
"Yeah? Which one? Stupidese?"  
  
"...Let Hiei at least explain himself!" Yuki begged, still beating Hikari's head.  
  
"Fine. Now stop beating my head before I... do something. All drastic-like. Mmmyeah."  
  
Hiei began his explanation. "I was going to get some sweet snow when I noticed the PS2 was on. I was going to turn it off when you came in."  
  
"A likely story! Ok, you're free to go."  
  
"...Ok." Hiei ...zoomed... off... again.  
  
"Now we must find the culprit: WHO TOUCHED MY GAMES AND LEFT HE PS2 ON?! I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO PAY THE BILLS HERE!"  
  
"...No you don't, you just get out a rifle and scream at the Bill Collectors, electricians, and Repo Men to leave."  
  
"...You're true."  
  
"Indeed I am." Yuki started to set off after 'her' Hiei. Hikari grabbed the back of her shirt (it took me three tries to spell Hiakri without typos).  
  
"Not so fast! You're going to help me."  
  
It was then that the doorbell rang. Hikari was quite annoyed, considering someone had commited the horrible, punishable crime  
  
of touching her precious...es...eses. She walked up to the door, still dragging Yuki (who was quite easy to drag over the entryway  
  
tile, considering she had been woodskating in her socks for the fifteenth time that week), and opened the door.  
  
"Hello! I'm here selling make-up to random strangers!" said the totally random stranger that we had no clue who it was  
  
in a very high-pitched voice.  
  
"Um, hi. Are you my stalker? Because if you are, I'll be happy to lend you a punch in the face, or get out my rifle or something..."  
  
The... person laughed squeakily. "Why, no! Of course not! Can I recommend-"  
  
"No, you cannnot. You wanna know why?! One: You didn't say 'Hikari, may I,' and Two: I just don't like you, you creep  
  
kid. Now get off the premises before I through this murderous ice demon at you."  
  
The it growled. In a deeper (and seemingly normal for it voice), it growled, "That's it, you're coming with me!"  
  
Hikari rolled her eyes and slammed the door. "Stalkers these days... honestly, Yuki..."  
  
She continued dragging Yuki when the backdoorbell rang. Yuki began humming along with it, as it was none other than the Ranma  
  
1/2 theme song, 'Zettai!'.  
  
Hikari threw the door open. "ALRIGHT, WHAT DO YOU PSYCHOS WANT FROM ME?! I'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF THESE MAKE-UP SELLING,  
  
BAD COSTUME WEARING, STUPID STALKERS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO STALK PROPERLY!"  
  
"I-I j-j-just came to continue my game of Final Fantasy..."  
  
Hikari's eyes narrowed. "So it was you all along! I knew it!"  
  
She promptly threw Yuki at Kayko, who stupidly stood there, as usual.  
  
Hikari walked outside and picked up Yuki and threw her at Kayko again. And again. And again.And again. And again.  
  
And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.   
  
And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.   
  
Eventually Hikari got tired and in mid-throw curled up on a yard couch and took a nap, even through Kayko and Yuki's sobs.  
  
Hiei and Yusuke apparently have very good hearing and/or a sense of their beloved crying. The ran to the seen of  
  
the throw, which threw them into a classic over-protective boyfriend fit.  
  
There were many mangled cries of "Who did this to you?!" and "Why?!??!?" and "How come you didn't call me?!!?!"  
  
Which woke Hikari up, of course.  
  
Kayko pointed at Hikari. "She... she threw stuff at me!!!"  
  
Yuki also pointed. "She threw me at stuff!!!"  
  
Hiei and Yusuke walked over to Hikari. "Hikari! You've got some splaining to do!"  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Hikari: OO meep...  
  
Hiei: ::glare glare glare glare glare::  
  
Yuki: You get what you deserve.  
  
Vana: R&R So we can see what cruel fate awaits Hikari, our soon-to-be-late authoress. 


	4. Proof the Writer's Block is Dead

Hikari: Whoah.... that writer's block lasted longer than ever... Record... BUT THE STORY MUST GO ON! I HAVE FANS NOW!!! I THINK!  
Yuki: ::sigh:: Yah think!  
Hikari: I do!  
Vana: O.o Hikari: Well, new character involvement!!! Introducing Kaze!!! He was once a partner of Kurama & Hiei, then stuff happened.  
Midoshi: So yeah.  
Yuki: Ye- WAIT A MINUTE! SINCE WHEN!  
disclaimer on previous pages... or just the first... I dunno.  
-------------------------------------  
  
Hikari's eyes widened sleepily. "Oh my gosh! I just forgot! I have... an appointment... with.. FRITOS!" Hikari hit their heads and ran off. Of course, they chased her.  
Catching the back of her shirt, Hiei lifted Hikari off the ground. Hiei and Yusuke discussed what to do with her while Hikari squirmed in vain while screeching in a very unusual Italian accent, "HOLY CANNOLI! YOU KILLED THE MUFFIN MAN!!!"  
"I think we should hang her like a pinata and poke her with sticks."  
"...Pinata? What is this pinata?"  
"Oh yeah, you're not from he-"  
Yusuke was interrupted by a strange dude landing in the yard, seemingly from the sky (I'd hope he didn't fall from the ground...). "Hello, I am here! I HAVE ARRIVED!!!"  
Yusuke raised an eyebrow. "...Who are you?"  
Still in the Italian accent, Hikari glared and said, "Are you another Repo man?! 'Cause now is NOT a good time. You see, these two men are holding me hosta-"  
Yusuke promptly covered the oral cavity belonging to Hikari.  
"I am the great Kaze!" the aforementioned new arrival proclaimed.  
A tumbleweed sort of blew across the backlawn. Hiei twitched. A look of dawning comprehension struck his face like a sack of two-tonne (yes I spell it that way) bricks. "Oh! You're that guy we ditched! Aren't you dead?... or in prison?..."  
Kaze twitched more and glared at Hiei. "I was hoping we wouldn't have to bring that up til later."  
Hikari sensed the bad energy between the two and immediately switched from the Italian accent to a mix between a slightly British and a strange New Yorkan accent. She was feeling weird. Using the mixed up accent, she said, "Oh! You know what this means!"  
Yuki stopped crying and starting waving her hand up in the air spastically. "OH OH OH! I KNOW THIS ONE! PICK ME!!!"  
"Whhhhhaaaaat?" Hikari glanced over in Yuki's direction.  
"JERRY SPRINGER?!"  
"Nope. HAPPY-HAPPY DINNER PARTY!!!"  
At this point, Kitty and Vana were outside. They both squealed, jumped in the air, and screamed: "HAPPY-HAPPY DINNER PAAAAAARRRRRRRTY!!!"  
Yuki and Hikari stared at them. "Holy cow... I think I'm MENTAL!" Hikari then did a weird little dance move. This resulted in nothing but the thoughts of a DDR competition. "Dang. I'm sure it was supposed to free me."  
Hiei dropped Hikari in thought. Seeing the light of opportunity shining through, she grabbed Kitty, Yuki, and Vana and dragged them into the kitchen. "If we want this party to be-"  
"SO GOOD!" The aforementioned three interrupted.  
"-Then we need to cook some food!" ((I'm so demented, for more on this see )  
"Um, duh..." Yuki said.  
Hikari did a dance. Yuki, Vana, and Kitty (in that order) followed in the dance. This was no ordinary dance. This,  
my friends, was the FOOD DANCE.  
-Meanwhile, in the backyard...-  
  
Yusuke looked confused. "Well, that sorta answers my question..."  
Looking puzzled, Kaze looked at Yusuke. He had nothing to say but, "Oh, I didn't see you there... So, Hiei, who's this street punk?..."  
"HEY! I'M NO ORDINARY STREET PUNK! I'M YUSUKE URAMESHI!!!"  
"THE Yusuke Urameshi!  
"Yep. In the flesh."  
"Oh... never heard of you." At this point Kaze began having a wrestling match with the water hose.  
Yusuke made a classic anime fall.  
-Back in the kitchen...-  
  
The ground began to shake. Hikari abruptly stopped the dance. "EAAAAARRRRRRRRRTHQUUUUUUAAAAAAKE!!"  
"SAVE THE PIE!" Kitty screeched and dived under the table with it. Little did she know, Yuki had already chosen that hiding spot and now had a face full of cherry, blueberry, and raspberries. "Or... kill the pie..."  
Yuki glared. Before her agile hand could reach Kitty's throat when Hikari lifted the table cloth and from the top of the table looked down at them upside-down like.  
"Go ahead! Taste it!!!"  
Yuki: stopped in mid-strangle and licked her face. "TASTES LIKE APPLE!"  
Hikari and Kitty leaped up into the air with joy and in a manner of speaking at the same time and saying the same thing exclaimed, "YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY- OW!"  
Rubbing her head, Hikari muttered, "When did that sombrero get there?..."  
Yuki darted out from under the table. "SOMBRERO?! WHERE?!?!? I WANT ONNNNNNNEEEEE!!!"  
Hikari poked the low-hanging chandelier. Yuki rolled her eyes and corrected Hikari. "That's no sombrero. That's Jack the Monkey's swingset, remember?"  
"Oooooohhhh yyeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh... Hey... aren't we in the middle of a Magnitude 8.6 extremely dangerous earthquake type thing?..."  
Kitty came out, also rubbing her head. "I thought so... Am I hallucinating because a table whacked me in the head, or did the table really fuse with a purple banana from Guatemala?..."  
"It really fused."  
"Oh. Ok then. Back to the food."  
"But wait! I have business to attend to!" Hikari ran to the window and quite literally threw it open. "HEY, URAMESHI!  
LOSE SOME WEIGHT IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO ANY MORE OF THOSE ANIME FALLS, WILL YA?!"  
-  
Hikari: Sorry that took so long you guys. Writer's block. The world's number 1 killer.  
Yuki/Vana/Kitty: ::nod nod:: Mmhm.  
Midoshi: .  
Hikari: R&R, Everyone. 


	5. Wootwootwootwootwoot

Hikari: Ok, last chapter was eaten alive. Stuff (like spacing, a credit to a website ] and some hyphens were killed to death and then stashed in a closet.  
Vana: ...Killed to death and stashed in a closet?! Tragic!  
Yuki: Very.  
Kitty: Meerrrooooooooo...  
Disclaimerman has died. But, never fear, the disclaimer is on the first page! Yaaaayyyyyyyyy!  
-outside!-

Kaze, seeming to have won the tough battle against the 'Splein-Crusher', all the way from Hecho En, China, from a little family of water hoses, jumped up and screeched, "VICTORY! VICTORY HAS COME TO KAZE LIKE CHICKENS TO THEIR FEED!"  
Hiei and Yusuke raised an eyebrow. "You sure he was dead.... or in prison?"  
"It may have been that 'Looney Bin' thing you seem to think Hikari needs to go to..."  
Kayko jumped up. "I bet they have cilantro and all the other spices there. Maybe they even have RIBBON! SHINY PINK RIBBON! ON THE GROUND! I CLAIM IT!!!" She then dived for an unknown object. "I'm gonna name it Yusuke, after my favoritest favorite favorite favoritest guy in the whole wide woooorld!"  
Yusuke sweatdropped and glared as Hiei commented, "Maybe she needs to go too."

-Numerous hours later!-

Hikari made sure everyone had a seat. "In honor of the new guy, whatever his name may be-"  
"KAZE!!! I AM KAZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"-er... Kaze, DIG IN!" Hikari then pulled a shovel from under the table and distributed the main course: Mashed potatoes with a baked potato on the side.  
Yusuke groaned. "MORE POTATOES?! WE HAD APPETIZERS OF POTATO CHIPS, POTATO SOUP OR POTATO SALAD, AND NOW THIS?!"  
Hikari pouted her most cutest and poutiest pout. "But the Hobbits in my closet just love the potatoes!"  
Vana and Yuki choked. "THE WHATS IN YOUR WHAT?!"  
"NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! NOW ALL OF YOU SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR FRIGGIN POTATOES! YES, THAT MEANS YOU, URAMESHI!" Hikari 'ACCIDENTALLY' dropped the shovel on Yusuke's head, knocking him unconscious. "Now, with that little distraction gone- I mean.... Oops, sorry."  
Hikari put that shovel in the tub and got out another from under the sink. She completing the task of giving potatoes to every plate, and sat down. In mere seconds, Yuki, Vana, Kitty, and Hikari had eaten all of their potato-main-course. Vana began starting a chant while banging her fork and spoon on the table. "Des-sert! Des-sert!"  
"Patience, young grasshopper, patience. Dessert comes when everyone is finished placing non-replacable fuel into their oral groove."  
Vana pouted. "Oooooookay." She then proceeded in stealing everyone's potato to hurry the process.  
Once the last little bean was finished with their meal, Kaze leaned over and whispered to Hikari. "DISTRACT EVERYONE AT ALL COSTS. I MUST SPEAK TO KURAMA AND HIEI ALONE."  
Kurama, Yuki, Vana, Kayko, and Hiei looked over at Kaze. "...We heard you, you know."  
Kaze's eyes began shifting. "Um... no you didn't..."  
"...Yeah, we did."  
"Well... um... uh... ...thank you?" (Thank you, Citi Bank commercials.)

Vana and Yuki got all sparkly eyed. "REALLY?! YOU MEAN IT?!!?!?!"  
Kitty, Kurama, and Hiei, on the other hand (WOW! I HAVE TWO HANDS!), twitched. Kurama and Hiei got up and followed Kaze into the 'parlor.'  
Hikari looked at the remaining... however many were remaining. "Uhm... well who's ready for DESSERT?!"  
At this, Yusuke became re-among the living again and joined the others in screeching: "IIIIIII WAAAAAAAANNTTT DESSERT!"  
Hikari grinned from... ear... to ear... yeah. "Wellllllllllll! Dessert tonight happens to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee: The creamiest, most sweetest, bestest..."  
"Uh-huh, uh-huh..."  
"...Most greatest, most deliciousest, most cleanest, most lumpiest, most smoothest, most blue-est, most kindest, most freeziest, most angriest..."  
".............................................What?"

"SHUT UP, URAMESHI!"

-Some odd adjectives later!-

"...Most hairiest, most baldest, most shiniest..."  
Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Ok. We're done hearing you excersize your jaw. And your English skills. Now, before I have to blast you to the next dimension, tell me, friiiend, what is for dessert?"  
Hikari sighed. "Ok. It's sweet snow."  
Hiei burst into the dining room. "DID I HEAR SWEET SNOW?!?!?!"  
"Yes, yes you didn't."  
Yuki bit Hikari's good serving hand. "SHE LIIIIIESSS!!! SHE DID SAY SWEET SNOW!!!!!!!!"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOT MY GOOD SERVING HAND!!!!!!!!!!! Now I can't serve the sweet snow!!!!!!!!"Hikari: Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN  
Yuki: O.O HOW WILL WE GET SWEET SNOW NOW?!  
Vana: ::has placed Yuki in a straightjacket:: ::pats Yuki's head:: Calm yourself, child. Calm yourself.  
Yuki: HEY! I'M NOT CHILD! I'M-  
Announcer: We interrupt this program for a special report. I can't remember what it was, but boy, it was important. In more important news....  
((R&R Everyone..))


	6. FINALLY! NUMERO SIXO!

Hikari: ::sighs:: Oh, the horrors of the world of Higher Education and the evil ways of Extra Homework... Alas, we poor pupils in vain struggle to keep up, but some are lost souls an-  
Yuki: Shut. Up.  
Midoshi: Did we give her sugar or something.  
Vana: Um... ::shifty eyes:: No way! It wasn't me! I swear!  
Disclaimerman: Hello. You have reached 1-800-555-OTFP.  
Vana: OTFP.  
Hikari: singing OOOOOOOOOOOOoonnnnnnnnn the firrsssssssstttttttt PAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
Kaze: ...Hey, isn't he dead?  
Hiei: ::rolls eyes:: Hey, aren't you dead?  
:::::---------------------------------------------------------------------------------:::::  
  
Kaze ran in. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DISTRACT! NOT ATTRACT!"  
Hikari stared blankly. She then began dancing. Everyone stared as she leaped on the table doing a weird Edward-inspired dance and singing: "DISTRACT! attract! DISTRACT! attract!"  
"Um..."  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-" THUD!!!!!! In a mere instant the worst thing that could possibly happen at this moment, happened.  
"KYOKO! I CAN'T BREATHE! GET OFF!"  
Kyoko got up. "Well I needed a landing spot!!"  
"Why couldn't you have picked someone who DESERVED a squishing?! Like Urameshi, or Hiei?!!?!?!"  
Hiei glared. Yusuke remained in a crumply and quite unconscious position on the floor. "Twinkle twinkle shiny ring.  
you shall make me Middle Earth's king..." sang he, the O-Great-Unconscious one.  
"Wait a minute... HOW'D YOU GET HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!"  
Vinnie came out from the top cupboard. "I can explai- WHOAH! Um... sorry about that... anyways, so-"  
Hikari, Kitty, Yuki, Vana, and Kyoko squealed. "OH MY GOSH! IT'S VINNIE!!!"  
"...Like I was saying, Kyoko and I were being hypnotized by the evil cockroach from the desert. So we evaded him when Kyoko used her magical shiny mirror to make the cockroach look deep inside himself. He saw a lonely little boy that he had eaten last Tuesday and-"  
Hikari's eyes widened. "AND HE BURST INTO TEARS AND APOLOGIZED FOR TRYING TO KIDNAP YOU AND STUFF YOU INTO TUNA CANS FILLED WITH THE STENCH OF- LOOK! IT'S MIDOSHI!"  
"Actually, the stupid little bug laughe-"  
Midoshi cut him off with a scream and ran. Hikari and Kitty chased him down with the help of Hikari's dog, Jack, and a rabid weasel by the name of Larry.  
"RUN LOOSE, LARRY! RUN LOOSE AND DO MY BIDDING!"  
Kitty could only reply to Hikari with, "Dude, chill, it was just a freakin weasel..."  
Hikari cackled maniacally as Trumpy walked in carrying huge stacks of money. "Hey guys. Oh, and by the way..." He turned to Hikari. "You're fired then hired then given a raise." He continued into the abyssal safe of doom.  
Vana looked on in wonder. "I've always wondered what was in that old safe..."  
"NOTHING! THERE ARE IN NO WAY SNAKES TRAINED TO DO THE MACARENA! I SWEAR!"  
Everyone looked at Hikari. "Um... how does this get us any closer to sweet snow?..."  
"Good question, Yuki. Maybe we can get the baka to scoop it."  
Kyoko and Kuwabara looked up. "You rang?" they answered in a unified manner.  
"Don't they make the sweetest couple?"  
Hikari, her crew, Larry the weasel, and the Tantei inched away from Kayko. Kyoko started twitching. "How... HOW COULD YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT?!"  
Kayko grinned. "Because I have a shiny pink ribbon!!!"  
Kyoko stopped twitching and stared at Kayko. "Did you just say SHINY?!" Kyoko didn't wait for an answer. She immediately attacked Kayko. "GIVE ME THE SHINY!"  
Kayko wrestled with Kyoko. "NEVER!!! GIVE ME BACK MY YUSUKE!!!!!!"  
"I'm... I'm not even gonna ask. I am very scared." Vana then hid behind Kurama, who in turn pat Vana's head.  
"I'm scared, too!!! AND! AND! AND!!" Yuki started sobbing into Hiei's shoulder. "I'M IN NEED OF SWEET SNOOOOOOOW!!!"  
Patting Yuki's head, Hiei whispered. "I feel your pain."  
Hikari inched away. "Um... I dunno whether to say: 'AWW!' or... scream... and run away..."  
Vana latched onto Kurama. "MINE!"  
"That's it... I'M SENDING THE RABID WEASEL ON YOUUUUUUUU!!!!" Hikari pointed at Midoshi. "RUN, LARRY! ATTACK THE BEAN ONCE MORE! PWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
Midoshi began having a screaming, twitching, itching, burning, tickling, purple, watermelon, leiderhosen, hyperventilating fit on the floor as Larry chewed calmly on the sleeve of his shirt.  
Hikari walked away in mid-laugh. Yay short attention spans. She grabbed a clipboard and a MAGIC GREEN SPARKLY PEN and walked over to the fridge. It had been chapters since she had watched the fridge for signs of life, so naturally Hikari had a lot of catching up to do.  
  
Meanwhile!  
  
KoEnma was still being blinded from chapter 1. After his sight returned, he ran towards the commotion of Vana and Yuki laughing to death (Yuki was also crying), Kurama and Hiei being weirded out, Kuwabara playing chess against Larry (oh the insanity.  
I think Larry's winning!), Kyoko and Kayko wrestling, and Vinnie shaking his head and sighing as Midoshi is having a spaztastic fit on the floor as Larry chews his sleeves.Hikari: ::does a dance:  
Crew: ::sighs:  
Kyoko: WHEEEE I'M IN THIS ONE!  
Vana: R&R Before we all explode. Please. 


	7. This chapter is dooom

Hikari: I think it's too late. No one really reviewed all that much. And look at poor, poor Vinnie! He's 'sploded!  
Vinnie: ::unconscious::  
Yuki: ..Great. Just... great.  
Vana: No... ABRAHAM LINCOLN!  
Yuki: Mr. Taco.  
Hikari: Leiderhosen! ::spazzy-jazzy grin:: (DON'T ASK.)  
Midoshi: They're like trained seals... Let's sell them to the circus!  
Disclaimer Oats Cereal Meal: Dang, Hikari, you watch too much Cowboy Bebop... anyways. Yo lawyers and others! She don't own anything copyrighted! So there!  
:::------------------------------------------------:::  
  
Hikari sat in front of the metallic fridge in a rigid position normally saved for samurai of the utmost strength and skill. Yet playing Final Fantasy had trained her to expect the unexpected through the sparkly wonder of random battles. KoEnma walked up slowly behind her. He looked calm, up until the moment where Hikari leaped out from behind him and giggled.  
  
KoEnma had a sudden and short heart failure. "But I thought- How'd you- Oh, CHICKENS."  
  
Yuki woodskated up next to Hikari. "Look what you've done to him! He thinks like you!"  
  
"All I did was giggle! In slow-mo!"  
  
"But's you're in two places at once!"  
  
Yuki rolled her icey-blue eyes of doom. "Shut up, KoEnma." She promptly threw a brick at the sitting Hikari. "Hikari" tumbled over, revealing her as a dummy.  
  
Hikari's face turned red. "So I left my post... nobody will kno- HEY WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT IF THAT'D BEEN THE REAL ME?! WOULD YOU HAVE THROWN A BRICK THEN?!"  
  
Yuki raised an eyebrow. "Idiot... then you wouldn't be the one standing... And besides, rest assured that I would've thrown a brick, two angry rabid cats, and a large order of fries if that had been the real you."  
  
"I like fries..." Hikari grinned from ear to ear, reblinding Yuki and KoEnma.  
  
Meanwhile, in the depths of the living room type room!  
  
Midoshi was choking on a large order of fries as he watched Vinnie wrestle two rabid cats and Kyoko hit Kayko on the head with a brick to get the shiny ribbon. Vana was still clinging to Kurama's shoulder, and Hiei was sleeping. Yusuke remained in an unconscious state. The whereabouts of Kaze are unknown as of this point in the unit of measure used to track the passing of the sun and moon.  
  
They were all seemingly calm and happy. BANG! The front door flew into the backdoor, revealing a girl near-identical to Hikari. Kitty waved spastically and said, "HI THERE!" as Hikari dragged the blind Yuki out to the room of the living.  
  
Hikari examined the damage. "Hmm... the doors need fixing... looks like they collided. YAY!!" She then faced the gaping whole that was once a closed door. Her eyes widened and she screeched, "AZUMI!!!"  
  
Yuki's blindness suddenly cured. Kitty stared weirdly as Vana remained latched to Kurama's arm, which was now turning blue from cut-off circulation, and Yuki and Hikari raced to see who could hug Azumi first.  
  
Kitty sweatdropped. "Umm... Midoshi? Do you have the spare straightjackets?"  
  
Midoshi twitched and rocked back and forth as he huddled in the corner, still choking. He muttered into the empty large order of fries bucket, "That weasel... yes... I'll use a brick..." Then we do believe he cackled, "TWO RABID CATS! IT'S INGENIUS!"  
  
Kitty sighed and threw Midoshi into the Living Dead Room. He was soon transformed into a vampire, which will never prove useful in this story.  
  
Vana laughed til her face turned as bluey-purple as Kurama's arm. Azumi, Hikari's twin sister, was being mauled in hugs from Hikari and Yuki. Kitty then came to the rescue and de-leechified Hikari and Yuki from Azumi. She then waved and said, "HI!" Deja vu, neh?  
  
Kaze's location became clear as air raid sirens blared and a voice over numerous speakers gave out warnings. "You are in a no wind-demon-flight zone. Please leave this town now or we'll throw a brick at you, while I eat fries and pet my two rabid cats."  
  
As Azumi regained consciousness after lack of air, Hikari pondered on where Sniper could possibly be. Yusuke noticed her ...ponderation... ((a/n: What?!)). "What're you thinking about, Hikari?"  
  
Hikari did not notice. Yusuke shrugged and began attempting to pry Kayko and Kyoko apart. KoEnma staggered into the living room, half-blind. "HIKARI! I'M GONNA GET YOU!!! YOU JUST WAIT TIL I CAN SEE AGAIN!"  
  
Yuki waved her hands blindly in front of her. "If I trip on anything, Hikari, I'll second that motion." She then proceeded to trip over an electrical cord, to which Hiei responded with a quick save.  
  
"YAY! TREE-MAN SAVED MY LIFE!!"  
  
"He did not, you're still gonna get it."  
  
"Aww..." Hikari glanced over at the rectangular opening resembling a door frame, and it would be, except the door is dead. Marbles from seemingly nowhere fell onto the "GET THE CRAP OUTTA MY HOUSE" welcome mat. Hikari screeched, grabbed Azumi, Yuki, Kitty, Kyoko, Vana, and Kurama, which was easy since she grabbed Vana. She threw them down the basement staircase and followed them. It was a matter seconds before the heard someone singing 'Sobakasu' an octave higher than normal, a brick, two rabid cats, some french fries, air raid sirens, chipmunk disco, leiderhosen, purple, a scream, and some explosions.  
  
This is where we would tell you about everyone going into a mad panic. But! Due to cliche-overuse, everyone got a teddybear!  
  
Meanwhile, in the living dead room...  
  
"Uuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh..." Midoshi moaned.  
  
A pale instructor rolled his eyes. "No, dude, it's 'I vant to suck your blooooood!!!' !! We're vampires, not flu patients!"  
  
"Don't you mean zombies?"  
  
"EEEK! WHERE?!" The instructor hid under the couch, which crawled away laughing.  
  
Back in the basement...  
  
"Hey guys, if I die, I want some muffins with extra large french fries, two rabid cats, and a side order of brick."  
  
Yuki groaned. "Shut up, Hikari!"  
  
Azumi finally awoke. "Love hurts..."  
  
Kurama nodded in silent agreement. Vana pouted and whimpered. "I wanna cupcake..."  
  
Hiei stood in the shadows. "Hn. Baka. Everyone knows I can take the kid."  
  
"You mean Marble Lad?!"  
  
Azumi looked to her left. "Hikari, is Marble Lad your new imaginary friend?"  
  
Kitty giggled. "Nope! It's Sniper! He's this guy with all these marbles and other small objects which he flicks at his opponent, and with telepathy he makes them 'splode!"  
  
"Yeah. He almost as cool as muffi- HEY! I FOUND THE LIGHT SWITCH!" Hikari proceeded flipping it up and down, send the small bulb in the center on and off. "IT'S PEANUT BUTTAH JELLY TIME!" The light protested this hour of the day and immediately shattered, pouring glas into Hiei's hair.  
  
Kurama spoke for the first time in this chapter. "Hikari, you are a light demon, aren't you? Why don't you illuminate the room for us?"  
  
Everyone smacked their foreheads for forgetting about that. Hikari giggled. "Okie dokie!" The room was flooded with light, blinding everyone. "Oops... too much..."  
  
The light revealed many things. Azumi, who had turned to her left, had been facing a wall. Hiei, figuring everything was in shadow, was in the center of the room glaring at Hikari for shattering the light bulb and getting glass all over him. It also revealed that this was indeed the garage, not the basement. "Well, them's the gas."  
  
Yuki twitched, "Don't you mean 'Them's the brakes' ?"  
  
"No. The gas." Hikari pointed to the doorway, where Sniper was standing with a handful of beans. "Wait a minute... I RECOGNIZE THOSE BEANS! YOU STOLE THEM FROM SAMWISE!!!"  
  
Vana glanced over at Hikari. "What?" Hikari glared and responded with, "You heard nothing, FOOL! NYAHHAHAHAH!" She jabbed the garage-magic-pushy-open button and zoomed out.  
  
In the Living Dead Room.. ((a/n: Living Room, Living Dead Room, Dead Room, etc. etc.))  
  
Midoshi was holding a bizarre sort of seminar for vampires with Zombiephobia. "FOOLISH... immortals... THERE IS NO NEED TO FEAR THESE ZOMBIES! THEY ARE BUT ROTTING CORPSES WALKING- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Midoshi screamed and writhed and moaned about two rabid cats, a brick, and a large order of french fries as a former ascendent of Larry the Mongoose nibbled at his toes.  
  
---------------------------------------------  
Hikari: Wootwoot! Done! Longest chapter I have written!  
Azumi: Whee! I'm there!  
Hikari: Yes my beloved twin! YOU ARE THERE!  
Yuki: ...R&R Before I throw two rabid cats at Kyoko.  
Midoshi: Why not a brick?  
Vana: Did someone ask for a large order of fries?...


	8. What the leaves are three? Only not frit...

Hikari: Due to the lack of time  
Yuki:interrupts: And effort!  
Hikari:glare: Anyways, filler. They take up your life. I'm taking over the world.  
::

"Oh, Susannah! Oh don't you cry for meee! I'll be back from Loozing Anna with a foshie on my knnnnneeeeeeeee!" Seemingly done with her song, Hikari placed the banjo in a soup ladle and turned the a/c on high, immediately defrosting the room.

"WHEEEEEE!" Kitty bought a new set of 'Jim's Exploding Thumbtacks.' She planned to use them on Midoshi next.

Yuki came in with five toes on her left foot. She exited with three.

Kurama nanced in confusion. "How did my purple socks end up in Florida? Didn't Peter Rabbit know to use bleach on greens?"

Yume wittingly replied in song, "No my darling, No my darling, No my darling, Kurama-kun! They are lost and gone forever now Hikari's eating spoons!"

"Oh." Kurama began stealing forks. "I like shiny things. They make me feel fuzzy."

"You're ALWAYS fuzzy." Yume pointed at his tail. He went Yoko without knowing.

"Frito pie!" Hiei exclaimed in a fury. "Kuwabara has shaved the yellow coconut of its dandelion flavoring!"

"Perhaps you pick another tree for climbing; Sora's got the easter eggs." Hikari voiced through spoons.

Kaze stabbed a diabetic cow. "Moo," said the cow with its dying breath. Kaze responded. The response was pointless.

Raging animal rights mobs soon approached the door in yellow socks and blue hats. They screamed in protest at the death of the cow. "SAVE THE DIGITAL COWS!" They cried. Unfortunately, George Nelson and Kaze had already made them extinct. Gopher Lad was sad.

Kurama took a dive at their leader. "MY SOCKS!" He then proceeded in eating his handbag.

Yume began teaching squirrels to hunt for rabid weasels. The weasels stole the remainder of the toes on Yuki's foot, leaving her to melt in the Peruvian Vault of Mysterious Pies (Including the Pizza kind). She squealed for obvious reasons.

Hikari boobytrapped the mailbox so the pesky fishmen would explode upon impact with balogna.

"Hark! A white frog can turn water in fish!" Yusuke noted.

"Nay, good sir, but Riku can duck quickly in case of a grass fire," Hikari countered. "Kairi mayhap gets the raw potato ears?"

"Frou Frou! Frou Frou!" Kurama called.

"He seems to be looking for his pet, the last of the rectangles." Yume explained while combing the fur of a half-eaten rabbit. "Stupid chocolate, keeps getting stuck in the teeth. The Easter Creature should think before coming early with a furry chocolate."

Hikari nodded. "A furry chocolate indeed. Now where has the littlest goose gone? I'm very sure I placed a turkey in Kayko's locket..."

Kayko screamed in a nearby shop. No one noticed.

Kitty danced and sang to the beat of a different drum. "All of you are jealous of the pretty teapots I placed in the microwave!" She taunted. Hikari was truly jealous and nearly exploded.

Yusuke tackled Hikari. "No more shall you fly with the red-footed bears! Only the best livers can slowly drink chocolate socks!"

"SOCKS!" Kurama tackled Yusuke, squishing Hikari into the floor.

"Oi, my arteries! The chickens moo when the moon is ripe!"

"Hikari, don't you know that two hundred mangoes can dance the conga?" Yusuke inquired.

Hikari attempted and failed to push Kurama and Yusuke off of her. "My name is Kiwi, is my name!" She tried rolling. "This new land is made from Klyde's different soda drinks!"

Yusuke laughed. "Only boxes of dried tomatoes can fry Yume."

Yume hid in a cardboard box. "I fear the pasta."

Kitty laughed maniacally. "I rule the muffins!"

Kurama leaped into a ceiling fan, resulting in a slight twitching spasm. "I don't like the purple chickens! Only the socks of a different third!" Kurama leaped up into the fan again. "SOCKS!" He leeched onto a green fanblade.

Midoshi ran in, followed by Kitty, Kaze, Kyoko, Vinnie, Trumpy, and the rest of the crew, except Yuki, who was poking an atomic frito with her toeless left foot. "The new contracts explain the theory of nachos! Those resting bees may explode in a hiccup!" Midoshi fumed.

Yusuke barked like a waterbuffalo. "Mine!" He clung to Hikari.

Hikari's face turned purple. She was receiving no air. "The... fresh... noodles..." She gasped.

Yuki and Yume ate popcorn. They were thrilled. "Only the washed three quarts of sheep yesterday but the fried fences are trying to jump a pretty dress," Yume commented to Yuki.

"Soup," Yuki agreed. "Only finest frito salmons."

Hikari looked at Yusuke. "The trial of a lost penguin is frosty in length?"

"No, Kayko moved to Nebraska. Gladly I leaped." Yusuke told her. "Only now I find that I no longer have a pet goose."

"The goose! Its hair!"

Karasu blew up the half of the house that Midoshi and the rest of the crew were in, then magically restored it. The crew was missing, except the laughing Yuki and the sock-wearing Yume. "SOCKS!" Kurama glomped Yume, who giggled a storm in return. The storm died.

Yuki pounced on Hiei's head. Pleased with herself, she painted a mustache on the Mona Lisa and Hiei. Hiei screamed, "APOCALYPSE! ONLY YUKI MAY HAVE THE FITTING DIVERSION!"

"Rental trees may commit arson upon the doomed head of Walter McGee." Yusuke stood up and lifted Hikari to her feet.

"But the tricky shoes dial the ringing washers if credits roll!" Hikari speculated.

Yusuke kissed Hikari. Kuwabara walked in at the wrong moment. Just as he opened the door, all he sees is Yuki drying to stab random spectators with a spoon, Yume chewing on a staple, Hiei dancing the hula, Kurama hugging a lamp with socks on his head, and Yusuke kissing a purple and surprised Hikari. "I'm not even gonna ask." Kuwabara closed the front door and walked to his room.Yuki:OO

::  
Yume: O.O  
Kurama/Hiei: O.O  
Kuwabara: -.-  
Kayko: GRR!  
Yusuke:grinning:  
Hikari: So I wanted something dramastical. Big whoop.  
Yuki:punching the lights out of Hikari:  
Kitty: o.o;; R&R Before Hikari explodes...  
Kayko: LET ME HELP :starts swinging a metal pipe around:


End file.
